just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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