when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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