take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
