I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
