Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
