If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
