i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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