Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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