It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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