If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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