Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
