Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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