i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
