So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
