I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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