Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
