tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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