I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
