I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
