Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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