Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
