note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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