So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
