Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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