My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
