you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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