i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
