In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
