so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
