New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
