Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
