peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
