WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
