Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
