I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
