I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
