I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
