Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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