Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize