maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
