Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
