garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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