just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had to coat check the pizza.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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