You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
