I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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