i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
