i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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