If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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