Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
