Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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