I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
