We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
