How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
