Someone shit on the floor
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
