Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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