theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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