I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
tell me about the fingering
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