so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
