you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
