I think my fart just growled at me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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