come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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