ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
