the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
