I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
