I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
