her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
