I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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