someone threw a dead crab at me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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