Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
