is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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