eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
