Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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