You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
